I’ve lived most of my life not knowing that I am autistic. Even although I raised two autistic daughters and read everything I could get my hands on about autism, I did not see it in myself. When my therapist suggested to me that I might be on the spectrum, I began to see many signs of my own autism. That is when my own autism journey began in earnest.
Being diagnosed later in life, I’ve looked back and now I see so many ways autism showed up in my life. I have also learned that autistic adults, especially Autistic women and people of color are far less likely to be diagnosed or self-diagnosed than white cisgender boys. The diagnostic criteria for autism were created with white boys in mind. Statistical data from 2022 suggest that 80% of autistic girls and women go undiagnosed.*
Perhaps you can recognize yourself in some of my own discoveries.
When I was very small, I had a profound aversion to weird or unknown textures on my feet. Before there was such thing as water shoes, I would make my father carry me out into the water until my feet couldn’t reach the bottom because I could not deal with the unknown textures on the bottom of the lake or ocean.
Many of us autistics have a variety of sensory sensitivities: I struggled if my socks did not fit perfectly and I was sensitive to some, but not all, tags in my clothing. I could not eat meat if it had any fat on it, due to the texture (I became a vegetarian as a teenager). My eyes are very sensitive to light and I can’t abide anyone touching my face.
While many autistic people had experiences of being bullied as children, this was not the case for me. I used to describe myself as an extreme introvert. I simply kept quiet and tried to blend into the woodwork. As a child and adolescent, I didn’t get picked on, but I also didn’t express myself or participate in group activities (if I could avoid it).
My great joy in elementary school was when the art teacher would arrive in the classroom. This sparked a lifelong love of making art which persists to this day. I majored in art and music in college but the college didn’t offer art history. I spent many, many hours in the college library and I read every art history book and artist’s monograph available. I gave myself a decent art history education in this way. Art history was an early special interest!
I’ve had many different jobs, ranging from work in engineering firms drafting, model building and designing, teaching, acting, singing, dancing and supporting folks as a chaplain in a healthcare setting. My autistic communication style has worked better in some settings than in others. In the workplace, I typically am hyper focused on my work, but I’m not terribly savvy about casual interpersonal relationships. I’ve found that I work best alone or one on one, avoiding “small talk” in the workplace. I thrive when I get to do big, creative projects.
My special interests include: cats, fiber, sewing and associated crafts, professional wrestling, board games, video games, fountain pens and stationery and AUTISM! I live in the Pacific Northwest with my cat, Buffy the Asthma Slayer. Unless noted otherwise, original artwork on this site is mine.
Autistic Rabbi 